Getting used to things

This is really sad. I know I shouldn't compare, but how can I not. When we had Briana she was in the room was us the entire time we were at the hospital. I never took her to the nursery. But now with Nathan he has to stay in the NICU. They are monitoring him, he also has a gavage tube in. They are giving him a bottle but apparently he isn't drinking all of what he is supposed to. That's another thing, Briana was breast fed so really we had no idea how much she was eating, as long as she was happy everything was fine. But for him, he needs to eat a certain amount of milk and if he doesn't then the remainder has to be gavage fed to him. He is due for a kidney ultrasound. He won't need the eco on his heart because we had it done during our pregnancy. The nurses keep putting the bottle on left side of his cleft, because they say it helps him. But I feel like its pushing his pre maxila over to the right side. I don't like it and even though I know it doesn't hurt him, it looks like it does. I am trying to go down to the NICU for all of his feedings I don't want the nurses to feed him I want to do it myself. This is very annoying. I just want him with me. He eats every 3 hours, but he wakes up every 2 1/2 hours. So I have try to get some pumping in before I head downstairs to feed him, so that I can take some fresh breast him for his feeding. That takes about 30 minutes, then I am with him for about 1 hour. Between feeding, changing, burping and getting him back in bed. The doctor said he needs to eat within 30 minutes if it takes him longer than that to eat, he ends up burning more calories eating than actually taking in. I am getting a hang of the haberman bottle, and so is Nathan. There is a surgeon coming to see Nathan tomorrow. So we are excited for that, he can give us a little better idea on what our next step is. I can't wait to get him out of this NICU so he can stay close to me! I also wish I could breastfeed him, man that would make things so much easier, this pumping thing is a pain. Not that its painful but it just takes too much time.