Our pregnancy

It all started February of 2010. We were a family of three Jonathan, Briana and me, Mommy. I was about 7 weeks pregnant when we found out that our little gift from God was cooking in the oven. That same week I also found out that I had a thyroid problem. I started taking Synthroid, and the next day all of my glands became swollen. It was crazy and I had no idea what was going on. But within a week it all went away and I carried on with my pregnancy, perfectly. It was great, no morning sickness. When we were 18 weeks it was finally time for our first ultrasound, and boy were we excited. We agreed to find out the sex of our baby this time, since for Briana we kept it a surprise. We walked in to the Hospital on a Wednesday afternoon and little baby was very active, moving all over the place. So the ultrasound tech started the ultrasound and she was having a hard time getting good pictures because the little man would not sit still. She took all the measurements she could and pictures that she could and asked if we could return the following week. We did get some good pictures of baby's hand, foot and with his legs wide open we found out that our baby was a BOY!! So exciting. We left the hospital not even thinking twice about anything and scheduled an appointment for the following week. Second ultrasound came along and I went with my mother so she could watch Briana, because Jon had to work. Another ultrasound tech greeted me and explained that she was training a new hire. No big deal I never mind extra bodies in the room. She went about with the measuring and picture taking but something didn't feel right. I didn't know if it was because the new hire was doing things wrong or if there was something not right. Well the end of that appointment came and I carried on home not giving it much thought. Once we got home, the hospital called asking me to come back in, once again, and this time we were to meet with the Neo-natal doctor. Red flags start flying and I get a little scared. I called Jon, trying to remain calm and tell him all that happened, half way through I can't hold it in anymore and I start bawling. I started crying and I couldn't stop. So not like me, I try to stay calm always, but it must have been hormones. My wonderful husband, gets into action right away, he calls the hospital and digs until he gets some kind of answers. We schedule to come back in the next day so they can explain what they saw in the ultrasound. The next day came and we headed to the hospital, once again. Once we got there we went into the ultrasound room, again, and had another ultrasound. After the ultrasound we were directed into this little room with a small table where we met with the Neo-natal doctor. So here we where, sitting across from him trying to figure out what in the world was going on. This was the most nerve wrecking moment of my life. I could feel my heart beating faster, my hands getting sweaty all of it. He went on to tell us that in the ultrasound they could see a cleft on our baby's face. He also told us that our baby had a two vessel cord, which to him both of these factors together could mean more things. My heart sank, my mind started spinning and I started crying. It was like a truck hit me with emotions. It was so much to take in. He went on asking us if either of us had a history of Cleft in our families, which we don't. He then explained that he would like to have an amniocentesis done, just to rule out other "anomalies" (I hate that word). We decided that we would go ahead and do the amniocentesis, so we headed back to the ultrasound room and with a needle the size of Jon's foot and the with of a spaghetti noodle (not sure if that is its actual dimension, but that is what it looked like to me), he poked my belly and extracted some of the fluid. With that fluid he could test for down syndrome and other chromosomal disorders. After all that, we left the hospital, broken hearted, confused and with no idea where or who to turn to. We had so many questions, yeah we knew, kind of, what a cleft was, we had seen kids with down syndrome before. But what could we do? How did this happen? Why did this happen? It was so hard to understand and accept. How do you accept that your unborn child is going to be different? We headed to my parents house to pick up our daughter Briana and told my mother what the doctor had told us. She also started crying, but I assured her that we still had more to learn and that it would all be fine. See this is the me, most people know. The other me, only my husband knows, poor man. We left my parents and headed to the fireworks at Red Run with Jon's parents and siblings. Jon told his parents, and his mom, bless her heart, said: "okay, well we will still love him no matter what". I love the sincerity in her, she doesn't know it, but that was pretty special. Our OB told us several times during our follow ups with him, that there were other options. Options of abortion that is, that he wouldn't do it, but that if it was something that we wanted that he could send us to someone. You see people think that because we wanted to know what the amniocentesis was, that depending on the result we would make a choice. But that is not why we choose to know what else could be going on with our baby. We chose to find out, so that we could inform and prepare ourselves for whatever our little man would need from us. We already loved him so much, how could we do anything to hurt him. The results were finally in and there were no other chromosomal disorders, so far from what they could tell he had the cleft and the two vessel cord. They wanted to do a echo while he was still in utero to make sure his heart was okay. After that we had an ultrasound every week. And with one of the other ultrasounds one of the doctors thought that maybe they also saw Pierre Robin Sequence. Which means that our baby's chin would be recessed causing his tongue to close his airway, meaning that he wouldn't be able to breath when he was born. Since the hospital we were at didn't have a good high risk NIC Unit, we decided to go to another one that we knew had one of the best NIC unit around. Our doctor there was wonderful. My wonderful husband, the man that God put in my life, only for me, began his research. The day we found out about our little man, the same night, he went through website after website, search engine after search engine finding answers to our questions. Trying to understand what was going on. We are a Christian family we both know and believe in Christ. Prayers where sent everyday, many times in one day, asking for answers, for healing. I couldn't understand what I had done wrong. If I am the one cooking up a baby, whatever happens to that baby, must be my fault. I must have done something wrong. There must be something wrong with me. I blamed myself. I couldn't help but to ask why and for God to please fix whatever I did wrong. But then one day I stopped asking God why. It didn't matter why anymore. I stopped asking God to fix things. I stopped blaming myself. Instead of asking God for specific things that I thought where the best things, I decided to ask God to have his way. I asked God to give me understanding for whatever his will was. I realized I had no control and that it was okay. How you ask, I can't explain it, I just knew that it was okay. My wonderful husband had a lot to do with it. He has always had a way of making me feel better, a way of making me feel like it was okay. I felt peace, peace that could only have come from God. And Jon was just next to me to help me feel it. My pregnancy was pretty easy, other than all the things going on with baby. We had ultrasounds every week, and non stress tests twice a week for the last four weeks of our pregnancy. We did have extra fluid half way through our pregnancy and that was found to have been probably due to the Pierre Robin, they assumed that maybe he just couldn't drink enough fluid to keep the balance even. Well we were 36 weeks when we scheduled our induced labor. We agreed to induce because this way we would have the birth in a controlled environment with all the doctors needed and nothing rushed. This is just the beginning ......